20 Aug Learning to Love
Reflections from Trevor —
Two weeks ago we welcomed into the world Abram Lynn Horn. Words cannot fully describe how this little one has changed our lives in such a short time and I am not sure any parent fully has the words when a new little one comes into this world but I will do my best to give it a shot.
Days before Abram was born it finally hit me that we were having a baby. I know this may sound dumb but those who know me know that I am extremely focused and move quickly when making transitions. So days before I finally had the space after months of intense work and the mind to finally start to prepare. And all sorts of questions started to jump into my head but one main one….how will I have the capacity to love two kids as much as I did one? The math in my head didn’t seem to add up as at times I felt like one was a lot to love but I left the matter until we met little Abram for the first time.
The day of the birth (Sunday, August 6th) came and we woke up with a mix of nervousness and excitement. In a weird way it felt like the feeling before the first game of a new football season as you can imagine all of the good and bad possibilities this season could go. Yet the second baby was different then the first. We had been here before and done this before but under much different circumstances. Our first baby (Ephraim) had come after a long 48 hour labor process and an unplanned c-section. Abram had been on the calendar for weeks as a scheduled c-section and we knew what to expect going in with him.
Finally the decisive moment had come as Hilary laid on the operating table awaiting our little one’s arrival into the world. Rather quickly they made quick work and Abram was with us. I remember when the nurse asked me, “Would you like to hold him dad?” With all the excitement and nervousness I held little Abram in my arms for the first time. And that question how can I love two babies the same melted away as I realized that I absolutely couldn’t. Abram was completely and totally different than his older brother and in no way could I love them the same. It hit me me as I looked upon his little hands and feet that this love would be a new love, a different love with different challenges and difficulties but still love nonetheless emanating from the goodness of God, our creator and sustainer.
So, no I cannot love Ephraim and Abram the same because they are two completely different people but God in his goodness has helped me a find a new stream of love that will daily overflow to help me to love Abram in a unique and wholly different way. With this I have found solace in David’s reflection in Psalm 139:
“13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.”